Saturday, April 09, 2005

Sugar Cane Poles, Snapping Turtles and Little House

I try very hard not to make my blog entries too personal. But there are times when I have a moment and I need to put it somewhere to remind me later of the Holy Spirit moving through me and Christ reaching out to me.
Now is such a time...
There is a bubbling joy and heartache going in me.
I'm watching Disney's version of Little House on the Prairie, one of my favorite book series and one of the few television shows my mother allowed my twin brother, David and I to watch when we were children.
And I feel so much something special by watching it. Maybe it's the Native Americans that have drifted through the prairie or its my longing for my great grandmother, Rosa, a petite South Carolinian Cherokee speaking Indian with a hint of Geechee in her voice, who kept an old familiar hymn--"A Charge to Keep I Have"--forever mumbling on her lips. She taught me how to fish with a sugar cane pole, dig up earthworms with a snuff bucket, gut a fish, and shoot with rifle. But more important how to be a woman of Spirit. I miss her right now. And I...I know...I believe she sees me or she speaks to me.
Too full for words or typing.
I stop for now.

Writing to see what the end gon' be,
Dee

I'm Still Holding On. Malachi 3:6

One April 8th two Fridays ago Jamila, a closed friend to my little sister and a member of our young adult choir passed from Lupus. She was twenty-three years old.
My sister believed that the disease beat her down.
But I believe she had fought the good fight. She was ready to go home.
And I don't want to get on my soapbox about what physical suffering does to the mind and the spirit. You see--I'm still in awe of the Pope and how he became the face of longsuffering for many.
So I'm still thankful that I'm still holding on. I know what lies ahead of us all and that is a big comfort.
My great grandma, Rosa, used to say that she was waiting for her change to come.
Now I believe that what she meant was holding on until her spirit matured into a place where her spirit never felt defeated even unto death.
This weekend I am reading Scott McKnight's The Jesus Creed. In his prologue he talks about why he thinks that this book is important and timely. I'm reading this book to edify my soul and to also bring some clarity to my calling as a writer. Sometimes I get carried away and want to write something, anything that will stop people from asking me about the progress of my book. I mean I can write something real thoughtless and hip in one good minute. But I'm still waiting for my change to come.
You see. I've stood at death's door twice and I know what I know. I know God exists. I know that we continue after our hearts stop and I'm still holding on.
Up until last week I thought I existed just to be my daughter's mother, as if God only created me to bring her here and raise her. But in order for me to accomplish that task, I need to move on up in the Spirit. I need a change to come.
So I'm still holding on.
God still has me here. Getting better, feeling better, thinking better, and far more thankful than I've ever been.
This year will try me. I have prescription costs that exceed my monthly rent. I have an old soul as a daughter entering kindergarten. I have a fiancee fighting to obtain his Masters. And I have a unction to write a novel that explores some of these truths that I know for sure.
God never changes(Malachi 3:6.) My health might, but God never changes. The Pope fulfilled his mission and Jamila fulfilled hers.
Be Thankful this week. Be blessed. And Keep Holding on to God's Unchanging Hand.

Writing to see what the end gon' be,
Dee

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