Saturday, December 03, 2005

An exericse

Just playing around with pacing and scene creation. Trying to get better at something I discovered...
 
1.
 
She sat folded up on their secret bed clinging to his pillow, crying, wanting to repent for her thoughts, but too afraid of losing the way she felt when he was just here, making, yet, another dead promise to her.

"Is it worth it, Samantha?" A voice spoke to her clearer than the glass candle holders dazzling against the flickering flames inside the fireplace.
 
She sat up, cringed, then lowered her head. "Noooo..." She crushed the pillow against her face and groaned.
 
Sugar Mountain B & B sat far off the major Atlanta streets to be noticed. Most people who came here were travelers or old married couples reminiscing about the good old days when Blacks didn't rule downtown. He always snuck her in after ten after the hosts stopped registering boarders.
 
Samantha wasn't her name.
 
Her mother and grandma prayed for her since the day she was born. Prayed for her to come back from her lust-filled ways before she knew what Jason Griffin meant to her world.
 
"But I love him." She groaned at the nothing that enveloped the air and her brain.
 
"But he doesn't love you back." Clear. Loud. Truth.
 
"Yes. He does." She peeled the pillow from her face and stood up. "He just can't love me like he wants to right now, but he'll be free in another six months. So come back and tell me that again." 
 
Then the doorknob shook. 
 
Jason must've left something behind. Her heart leaped. Forgot all about the voice. She ran to open it. "I knew you would come back!" She blurted before she saw who was really at the door.
 
Her heart hit the floor at the sight of him. A tall man. Broad shoulders.  Not Jason. Looked down at her; then pushed himself inside. "Get your stuff before the cops get here."
 
She folded her arms across her chest and planted her feet firmly on the ground. This wasn't the first time she caught her step-daddy stalking her. "And why would the cops come here,Walt?"
 
"Because Jason is dead, and you're the last one that was with him."
 
Her legs trembled. Shoulders quaked. "Huh...?" Her mouth quivered.
 
"He's dead. Now get your stuff."
 
All she heard was dead before her mind blacked out.
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1 comments:

Camy Tang said...

Wow, this is great! You're really good at giving information in snippets without a huge info dump paragraph. The emotion stays high and the tension is like a suspension bridge cable.

camy

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