Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Do you think the absence of a father distorts a women’s view of God?

Daddy’s Delight Blog Tour

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This past Sunday was Father’s Day. Dr. Karia, do you think the presence or absence of an earthly father distorts a woman’s view of her Heavenly Father? How might she work through her daddy issues so that she can see herself as Daddy’s Delight.

Absolutely. There are a number of books out on what has not been termed “The Father Wound”. Healing for the Father Wound by Norman Wright is a good resource for that. Elizabeth Cannings, who is completing her doctorate at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, is a good resource for discussing the father wound in children. The name of her ministry is Emagine ministries. If people will e-mail me at Dr.Karia @FocusedForwardMinistries.org, I will put them in contact with her.

But with regard to your question, your Heavenly Father knows what happened to you, and wants to replace what was lost. God loves you unconditionally. Frequently when a woman has an abusive or demanding father, she sees God as abusive or demanding. When he is a perfectionist, she is drawn to legalism in religion, and then finds herself unable to please the God that exists in her mind, and sometimes even herself. When she has grown up with an absent father, she feels abandoned by God. But there is hope. She will just need to address that issue directly. When you do, you can solve it.

The issue is that the God that exists in her mind is not the real God. The real God is reflected in His Son, Jesus.

So a couple of things need to happen. In order to focus forward, there are times when we have to look backward and heal. Don’t expect too much of yourself too fast in this area. Whether the father was in the home and not the man he should have been, or completely absent, there will probably be some anger. Give yourself permission to be angry. Then give yourself permission to work through the process and heal. At some point in that process you will be able to separate your heavenly father from your earthly father. But if you do not go through the healing process, it will be difficult to do that.

As you begin to separate the two “Fathers”, then you are open to see what God is like. The scripture says that Jesus is an exact reflection of His Father. Jesus is the third person of the Trinity – he is as much God as God the Father. So, in the Bible, we have a record of Jesus’ personality and character.

To work through this, there is an exercise you can do.

Get a pad, and write the words: “Jesus Did“. Skip a few lines. Then write: “That means Jesus Is”. Skip a few lines, then write “That means My Heavenly Daddy Is”. Then skip a few lines and write “What that means to me is”. Under that, write, “What I thought was…”, and then “The truth Is…”

Going through the books of Luke or John (you may want to do this with a few friends)..As you read and come upon something that Jesus did write that incident down. Then fill out the rest of your form. What does that say about Jesus’ character? (If you are with friends, brainstorm on it.) If Jesus is God’s exact reflection, what does that say about your Heavenly Father? And then, finally, how does that relate to you?

For the next week, when you look in the mirror, confess over yourself the most relevant characteristic. For example, “My heavenly Father is (cite the characteristic you discovered), and He loves me and accepts me unconditionally. I am His daughter. He will take care of me.“

Let’s do a passage now, as an example:

Jesus Did

Luke 4:1-13. He responded to Satan. He resisted Satan.

That means Jesus is….

Smart. Bold. Not afraid of anyone or anything. Determined. Can be by Himself. Perfect.

(Discuss these attributes with your friends if you are doing a group study).

That means my Heavenly Father is…..

Smart. Bold. Not afraid of anyone or anything. Determined. Can be by Himself. Perfect. (Discuss these attributes with your friends).

What that means to me is

I used to think,.. - When I am in a crisis, God will abandon me. I am on my own, because my dad always disappeared when the going got rough.

The truth is - My heavenly father is smart enough and bold enough to stick with me when things get tough. I choose to believe the truth.

Confession I will say in the mirror daily for the next week:

I am not alone. My heavenly father is smart enough and bold enough to stand with me when the world is attacking me. He loves me and accepts me unconditionally. I am His daughter. He will take care of me.

If you would like, you may go to my website: www.focusedforward.org, and I will post this question under the question and answer section, and provide a Bible study outline there for you to do a biblical study of who God is to you.

The key to the question, though, is separating your view of God from the truth about who God is. Then you will be able to believe what He says to you about you. You are His divine design.

About the Book

In Daddy’s Delight, Dr. Karia Bunting reminds women that they are God’s workmanship, His masterpiece, His “poema”. That God has intricately woven together every fiber of their being and created each one special and unique. That God, having completed His work of art, gave her to mankind as a gift.

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Evident in this great care God took in fashioning woman is the importance and value of each one. So why do so many women struggle with God’s design, wishing they could change just this or that one thing about themselves?

Dr. Bunting challenges each reader to accept and embrace the truth that, regardless of what season of life she’s in, she is God’s masterpiece-not her own work of art. When God sees her, He sees His beautiful creation. A creation that yes, has some wrinkles needing to be smoothed out and yet, is one in whom is His delight to love to perfection.

About the Author

KARIA BUNTING is an expository Bible teacher whose mission is to communicate the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ so that people are saved, and disciples are developed. She is the founder of Focused Forward Ministries, a communication and media ministry, and a member of several community and ministry organizations. She also partners with her husband, George, in his management & financial consulting company.

Karia received her master’s degree from Dallas Theological Seminary and a doctorate from Louisiana Baptist Theological Seminary. She’s currently receiving a second doctorate from the University of Texas. She serves as an adjunct professor at Dallas Baptist University and enjoys ministering the Word and its’ principles through her lecture series and power lunches held throughout the year.

Karia and George, her husband of 26 years, live in Dallas, Texas where she teaches the Word weekly in the women’s Bible study at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship. Mother of three children, Karia is also a mentor to many young women. She enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with family and friends.

Visit her Dr. Karia online at focusedforwardministries.org.

View the blog tour schedule and read an excerpt at

http://bit.ly/DaddysDelight.

2 comments:

Ty said...

Dee, thank you for hosting Dr. Karia today on your blog.

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone! I hope you are enjoying reading my response. The question was so insightful, as many of us are dealing with an absent dad. My own husband's father died when he was two. We will have been married 27 years on July 2nd, and I have watched him deal with the absence of a father. It seems, from my experience with him, that that "spot" has to be filled, and the things that would have been learned from the natural father have to be learned somewhere. That's where Christ and a god chuch comes in. I asked him this question, and he gave me the same answer I provided you. Substitute the heavenly father for the absence of an earthly father. Learn about Him, he said. But I do still think you have to work through the emotions associated with not having a father - the insecurities, the sense of abandonment, the fear issues that fight against faith, all of that has to be worked through. Or else you will sabatoge yourself.

Anyway, these were just some additional thoughts.

Let's talk!

And thanks for having me on your blog.

Dr. Karia

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